Sunday, November 15, 2009

Booze hounds disguising as hippies.

I can hear the whispers now.

Nosy Biddy 1: Don't look now, but here come the Towers. What a shame, I heard they're into boozing now.

Nosy Biddy 2: What?! Well it doesn't surprise me. Have you seen that girl one with her purple hair streaks and her loud bossy voice, like she is a man or something? Her husband was probably forced down the path by the JEZABEL!

Nosy Biddy 1: No, he is just as demented as her. He likes that loud rock and roll and I hear he has a tattoo! What a disgrace.

Kimber: Actually Crones, he has two. May I offer you some vanilla extract made from vodka? You may bake with it or swig it straight from the jar.

Biddies: Gasp! (The totter away in their slouchy tights and wobbly heels like old biddies do.)

***Aaaaaaand... SCENE*****

So, this was an extra fun adventure.

A few months ago Sam and I started making our own Apple Cider Vinegar. We aren't done with that process yet, so I'll tell you how it ends, but so far things are fermenting rather nicely.

We decided to try to make Vanilla extract next. The process is rather simple. Buy some cheapo vodka and toss in a bunch of vanilla beans. Let it stew somewhere for a month or two or three and then enjoy. It is cheap and from what I hear is way better than the imitation stuff.

I ordered some nice beans online (Heidi I am mailing your tomorrow) and Saturday Sambo hit the liquor store to get the cheapest vodka we could find. (ps. thank you liquor store salesperson for helping us find the best booze for our vanilla. Good to know we aren't the only Mormons attempting this project around these parts).

Oh, that reminds me. Some of you may not see why this is such a blog worthy event for me. Let me explain. Sambo and I are Mormons. Or LDS, whichever you know us by. No he isn't married to 2 other chicks, no we don't sacrifice goats, yes we avoid coffee, smoking and alcohol and yes I swear waaaaaaaay more than I should. It is who we are and since we don't make a big deal out of it I hope you won't either though you can always ask me about my religion and I promise not to sic any missionaries on you (I find sneak attacks to be a crappy friend move).
With this in mind, this was a mega huge fun event for us and we wanted to take pictures to enjoy it. And also to ward off the biddy patrol from getting their collective granny undies in a bunch.

So, here is our experience for your enjoyment:

11am. We pull up just as the liquor store opens.
Sam is careful not to attract any stares.

Minutes pass. I fear the worst... that he has stumbled off the wagon, climbed onto the wagon, fallen off of it and will never return.
But wait...

There he is!
Wait, Sam NO! It isn't for consumption, that is cheap crap! We need it for vanilla!

We get home.

The Vanilla beans are ready to go.
Sam chops them up (I wanted to do all this, but you know how Sam gets in the kitche... I just read a magazine and made fun of his hair instead).

There is a shiny knife. Because we feel all edgy and whatnot.

Sam pouring the vodka into the jar of vanilla beans. Very exciting.
I wanted to play too. But Sam would only let me hold the empty bottle. Whatever.

Our jar of vanilla in the making.

We checked it today and it is aready getting dark and smelling like vanilla.
I am way excited about this project.
Don't be surprised if you get vanilla from us for Christmas because we made a ton and we plan to make another batch next week for gifts!

We're out of control! I feel so alive! I'm gonna have to knock off a 7-11 next! WOOOOO!

PS. To our Grandmas and pas, aunts and uncles and other friends and relatives of esteem. I know, I know, we are not as funny as we think we are. But we live in a small town,  so don't be too embarassed by our shenanigans, please?


  1. That was HILARIOUS. I have to force Dan to read this one too. Oh, I'm also worried about R-rated movies (us moving to mormonville)...

  2. I SO want to do this!! Love the action shots of Sam. How scandalous!! The Mormon and the detective, buying vodka. Gasp!!