Sunday, April 4, 2010

My spectacular flop as a mother yesterday

I'm just going to lay it out there:

If they had a contest for the best parent and it was held yesterday, I would have come in dead last.

I blew it big time.

 The set up:

Thurs Sam woke up at 3am and X followed suit and took his siblings with him.
Fri Sam woke up at 5am to cover for another officer and Buddy followed suit and took his siblings with him. Saturday Sam woke up at 6am and Buddy woke up again and the fun began.

So, super tired me.

Long story short: Buddy screamed and yelled a lot at me and Xander spit on me a lot (he does raspberries when his is mad and it was cute about twice and now it makes me crazycakes) and Belle whined like no one has whined before.

I was handling that until Buddy tried to do severe bodily harm to his brother (like emergency room permanent damage harm) and then I totally Hulked out.

I tried to make a turnaround and in what I thought was a brilliant move, I had a sit down with the kids to talk to them about Jesus and Satan and how Satan is waging a war on us and when we want to do bad things that is Satan trying to trick us and we need to win the battle and not do the bad thing but be nice. I am totally  thinking I am a genius because Buddy loves soldier stuff and he was hanging on my every word, but first we get sidetracked on why ninjas can't just kick the crap out of Satan (ah, that would make life easier) and then it totally blew up on me.

As in 3 minutes later blew up on me. We went from calm hugging and apologizing love fest to, "Mom, Buddy lost the war with Satan and hit me!" and "Mom! I lost the war with Satan because Belle is a jerk" and "Satan! Satan! Satan!" (That last one was Xander and he was running in circles and I was holding my head in my hands because I had apparently turned my children into tiny Satanists.)

Worst. Idea. Ever.

So, After sending all kids to their rooms for a few minutes, beating my head on the wall and having a heart to heart with God and begging him to keep me from killing my kids that day, I took them downstairs for chores and food.

That was full of more "Satan told me to dump my bowl of cereal on the floor" and other golden nuggets of passing the buck on to Lucifer. If I had not been so frustrated I would have been laughing until I cried.

After the fun of breakfast came cleaning the ground level of the house. It did not go well.

From there, I tried everything, sweet talk, yelling, taking away fun stuff (guess who went to zero egg hunts for the first time in their entire lives?) to finally telling them they could not have their toys, play rooms, bedrooms, tv... anything at all and I made them sit on the floor across the house from me and stare at the carpet which was all they owned at that moment while I again just banged my head on the wall. And they cried. Well, Belle cried, Buddy moaned and cried and Xander spit at me.

I'd like to say we turned it around and rallied, but really, we didn't. The kids did come and apologize to me several times each and we all hugged a lot through the day, but I pretty much belly flopped yesterday.

I'm sure some of you are wondering why I'm even admitting all of this. Well, here is why:
We all suck at being a parent on occasion. And I think it is okay (providing you don't lose your schmidt and actually physically harm your child of course... that is never ever allowed, but I get that sometimes you have to chant "never shake a baby" over and over and over and over again... it is okay to be that mad, just please sit on your hands until the rage passes.).

I work really hard at being a mom. Really hard. I believe it is the most important thing I will do in this life and for all I know I'm raising a future plumber, or doctor or president or parent... I have no idea. So I had better do my absolute best every moment. I love being a mom and I adore my kids. I love attachment parenting and I love the way Sam and I are raising our kiddos.

But, sometimes I do a horrible job at parenting and what I see as a good idea goes horribly, horribly wrong. Like teaching my kids about the devil. Obviously not a great plan.

That is why I'm sharing.

Because I always feel better when someone I know tells me they screwed up because I totally can relate.

And because if you were thinking of using the "war against Satan" as a parenting tool... don't bother. It becomes the ultimate cop out in a matter of minutes.

Oh and because I'm sure at least one of you will be around Buddy and he'll told you that Satan told him to do something bad and he did it. My kid isn't evil, I'm just a moron. Sorry about that.

Its okay, you can laugh. I will too. In about a week.


  1. well, for what it's worth, I don't think you blew it. I think they learned something very valuable yesterday. That no matter how frustrated you were, you didn't hit them, that you looked for another way out from a very stressful and exhausting situation. That you tried something, didn't work, noted that it didn't work, won't use it again, shared it with others and moved on.
    In my book, a pretty valuable lesson.

  2. Generally I just lurk without commenting, but I had to tell you I appreciate your honesty, and I won't laugh where you can hear me. We're all just doing our best, aren't we? It's going to be ok.

  3. Ha went all "hulk on them". Love it! You're a great mom Kimber! Thanks for sharing!

  4. You totally just described my life! ha ha Thanks for sharing, gave me a good laugh. Glad I'm not alone in this adventure we call Motherhood. :D

  5. Thanks, I really needed that! I DID laugh so hard I cried.

    "and stare at the carpet which was all they owned at that moment"

    I've had a few days like that this week! (But now I know not to try the Satan talk, so thanks!)

  6. Been there, done that, let me know when you find out how to solve it. Cause I can't figure it out! ;)

  7. Thanks for the story. It is nice to know that we all have those days.. Mine was friday!!! And yes I have had the "Satan" talk with my kids..Tanner still uses the "Devil-Made Me do it"..
    Love the "Hulk-Up" Moment in your story.. You Are Awesome. Keep up the good work you have AWESOME kiddos.

  8. Kimber, I just want you to know that I love you! You are such a great mom and I hope to be as good a mom to my girls as you are to your kids! You never fail to make me feel like all will work out okay in the end as long as at the end of the day we are all alive and still love other even if we don't like each other right then! You deseve the best parent award espically on days like this!!!!!