Have I told you how fun it is going to be to have another boy around here?
It really will be.
But we have some rather odd rites of passage to go through apparently.
Many, MANY moons ago we had an ordeal with Buddy.
Out of nowhere, the kid gets bad breath. I mean BAD breath.
Worse than morning breath bad.
I felt like a failure as a mother even though I make the kiddos brush twice a day and when they are little I do the brushing myself of course.
I would scrub his teeth 4 or 5 times a day and still... rotten smelling breath!
After a week or so of it, and an odd runny nose of only one nostril I decided to google the answer to my burning question of what in the frickety was wrong with my kid.
He wasn't sick.
He wasn't suffering from horrible tooth decay.
According to the internet (man I love that thing) he had something shoved up his nose and it was rotting inside there, causing it to run and of course the smell of whatever was up there rotting was wafting out as, you guessed it, bad breath.
So, I trotted that boy to the doctor, told him the internet gave me the answer and told him to dig for some gold.
This doc didn't believe me at first. His initial "probe" resulted in nothing but an irritated Buddy.
But I was persistent and after about 5 minutes, a nurse to help hold the boy down and some serious digging, the doc pulled out gross rotting chunks of wadded up paper(?) we think that was, yep, rotting in his nose.
That doc was pretty impressed with my sleuthing and I was happy to note the next day that my baby boy had his wonderful sweet breath back.
(My only regret is I didn't take pics of all the fun and gross because it was a GOOD time.)
I was hoping that would be the end of that.
But then Xander was born.
And I've been waiting for a pattern to develop.
Today was the day. Lucky me!
Close to dinner time, Mr X comes a-running to me shouting, "Mommy! Nose! Up there!"
I just knew what had happened.
So I took a peek.
This isn't my first time at the rodeo.
See the right (your left) nostril and that bit o' green?
That would be a chunk of green crayon.
Because logically that is where I would put a crayon too if I had no pockets.
So, I tried to retrieve it.
My finger was too big (I will totally pick my kid's nose, I don't care!)
All my tweezers were awol (thanks for that kids).
So, I was reluctantly loading the kids to drive all the way to IF to see the doctor with the big tweezers for another round of "dig the random item out of a nose".
We loaded up.
But, then I remembered the first aid kid in the car.
It has tweezers!
So, I had X strapped into his seat, had Belle hold his hands and to work I went.
I have some tips for other parents:
1. use your finger of the hand you are NOT tweezing with to gently push along the outside of the sinus cavity. It seemed like if I didn't do that I would get clumsy and shove it UP his nose more!
2. Sitting up is not a horrible idea as gravity is your friend.
3. There will be blood and you will feel bad, but it is their fault because they are the dingbats who shoved something lame up their nose. (Warning now, the next pic is GROSS so skip if you want.)
4. Always... ALWAYS take pictures of this event. These are so going in the wedding slideshow!
After probing, whining and some seriously awesome tweezing skillz on my part, I picked a winner!
And yes, there is blood and snot on that napkin. People it was up his NOSE. So gross.
Xander was so happy it was out!
He even thanked me, then asked for his crayon back. Um, nooooooo.
See how that side of his face is more red than the other? that started when the crayon went on up the nostril. Fantastic.
And for those who are about to ask this, I am quite confident I got it all. I had the kid blow his nose until nothing but clear stuff was coming out (there were crayon flecks at first so I was worried) and I spent some time looking up there to make sure I hadn't missed, oh, another crayon in there.
I'll be checking again in the morning, but I think we are safe.
You would think that would be the end of the story, and too a degree it is, but Xander just can't seem to catch a break some days.
Tonight, after all the fun, kid decides to strip like he does every 5 minutes. But, I had buttoned his shirt up, so he had some rather hilarious issues...
That is... awesome actually.
What would you think of making it into a "Joe Dirt" wig?
Alright, I'll help you...
So, we got his shirt off with little harm done to his melon.
But, that just isn't enough for this boy!
This won't end well for any of us.
But they make some of the strangest choices.
Here's hoping this next baby boy has NO interest in what does and does not fit up his sinus! Or any other orifice he can think of to be blunt!
But just in case I plan to buy about 20 sets of tweezers!