I have not been in the holiday mood this month.
All this going and going. Parties, performances, programs and special events.
Don't misunderstand me, I have enjoyed seeing people I love, the performances and get togethers. It has just been exhausting.
For this reason I just haven't felt that Christmas spirit I wanted to feel.
and less like Buddy the Elf than I wanted to feel. I wasn't all "boo Christmas" but I was just tired and wanting the month to end already.
This simply would not do.
So, come Christmas Eve while Sam worked the night shift, I decided to round up the herd, call a pal and go to a Christmas Even program.
*My fellow Mormons reading this may be confused right now. "We don't do Christmas Eve services!"
I know this and honestly, I wish we did.
However, other Christian faiths DO have Christmas Eve services and since we all believe the same general ideas (Mary, Joseph, baby, manger, camels etc) I think it is totally appropriate and dare I say even an awesome idea to go and enjoy the what another faith can present for anyone who wants to partake. I can still sort my own details faith-wise, but why in the world can't I appreciate the goodness another Christian church offers on Christmas Eve?
Plus, they had a band and we all know I'm a sucker for drums in a church. That just screams AWESOMSAUCE to me.
As you were.
(Oh and if you still don't see my point can I call this an "agree to disagree moment please?)*
Like I was saying, we piled into some cars and trotted off to the service. I had another friend who attends the church we were going to (Hey Tiff!) who suggested it to me telling me about the kid friendliness, the BAND (I don't think you understand how much I love rocking out in a church setting!) and the fact that I could wear jeans to the service!
We got there and they had goodie bags for the kids. Now all the kids were also sold. Yay!
Things got going and it was fun. I love singing with a band (they let the congregation sing with the band!), I could totally hear my friend's voice (she is in the band and I had forgotten how pretty her voice is) and I was having a great time.
Then they started the childrens' pageant. Little kids came piling out dressed as wise men, shepherds, camels and stars! So many stars!
It was a really adorable pageant and the kids and I were enjoying ourselves.
Then it happened.
One of the sweet little children said a line that hit me like a ton of bricks.
Let me set it up.
The stars were all complaining about how hard it was to be twinkling in the sky. They were bored and tired etc. Then that one little star said in the sweetest voice, "I'm all twinkled out!"
My heart gave a thump.
There it was.
I have been working so hard this year and particularly the latter half of the year. I've been trying to do good in the world, love others, teach my children, be a loving a supporting wife, a helpful friend and I honestly feel ALL TWINKLED OUT.
I could not wait to see what would happen next.
Now, I cannot tell a lie, I missed a few bits here and there because Xander is 4 now and we all know it is his mission in life to be as high maintenance as possible but I got the general gist of the show and it was what I needed to hear.
Those little stars in the sky needed to twinkle. Once upon a time one of them led people to Jesus. That is what stars do, they lead us to where we need to go, they give us direction if we will just be still and look up.
Now, I'm not a fancy star in the sky, but I still have the ability to lead others to goodness and joy. For some that will be leading them to Jesus and to others it will be leading them to ideas (spiritual and temporal) they hadn't known about before. Parenting or education, maybe nutrition (I ate Wendy's tonight instead of salad, don't judge me) or maybe I'll just help them see that they aren't as big a mess as they thought they were, after all, they could be me (heh heh)!
Whatever the case, I need to keep twinkling because I'm helping to do good on this earth and I am making the world a better place, one moment, one breath, on person at a time.
Christmas isn't about the presents and the events and the parties or the decorations. It is about love. I don't think I felt that spirit because I was forgetting that all the rest is secondary to the emotion of this time of year. No matter what you believe, Christmas is about giving to others, letting others give to you and being with those who are most important in your life.
The program ended. Tired, but very happy, we went home.
I needed to be at it because I needed to remember the point of this holiday. I remember now.
I hope your holiday was as wonderful as ours was. I hope all of you know I simply adore you.
Oh and someone please get me a star costume for next year. I really want to sneak into that Christmas pageant!