Monday, January 23, 2012

I am Living in an Alternate Universe

... and it is terrifying me.

People, you know things are weird in Towerland when Buddy is the easiest child to be around. And, even scarier, he isn't merely the most tolerable, but downright enjoyable!

I'm not trying to bash on my kids, don't think that. I love these kiddos so very much. They are the best part of Towerland.
But wow.

Let's break this down.

Isabelle: The girl is moody lately. Not sure if it is getting older, boredom (we're nearly down with third grade at this point and in a much needed effort by me to keep my sanity I have eliminated all extra-extracurriculars--- I can explain that but I am too tired to try--- and she is running out of books yet again) or too much of those crap sassy Disney type shows (people I hate them so very very very bad, but sometimes I have to just let her pick the show she wants to watch instead of forcing her to watch Dora the Explorer until she dies.); but the girl is taking the one liners to my breaking point.

Oh, the eye rolls. The "whatevers", the stomping and flouncing off to her room. She is torturing her brothers too.

Example: I decide to take kids for ice cream and I ask Belle what she wants. She picks chocolate. Well, next Buddy picks chocolate. Belle gets all offended about it and won't tell anyone what her new pick is (because if she has the same flavor as her brother the world will end, people) until the last possible second. Then Buddy is offended because his sister is so nasty about it and I'm ready to throw the ice cream out the window.

Another example: I ask the kids to clean a room. She stomps in there and does a bit then orders her brothers to do the rest and then when they do it she messes thing up behind them and then gets mad when they stop cleaning. 

She is also bursting into tears at the drop of a hat. Particularly when we call her on the carpet for being mean to her brothers. Argh.

Oh and she is up all night. All. Night. And she is constantly trying to figure out what we are doing when we are up at night. I'll tell you what we are doing. We're waiting for her to go to bed! (And sometimes we want to pretend we are teenagers and kiss a bit... everyone get that group shudder over with and parents and grandparents and aunts and uncles, erase that part from your memories so it won't be awkward next time we see you. Thanks.)

Xander: Well, he is four. Four is always the rough year around here and he is no exception to that rule.
He is loud. So. Loud.
Screaming Eagle loud.

I spent most of church yesterday restraining myself from gagging him because he could not figure out how to whisper something to me, he just had to talk SO LOUD every time.

There there is the wailmoansob. This is a patented Xander move. He says, "Can I drive the minivan?" We say, "nope" and he Waaaaaaaaaaaaaails into a Mooooooooaaaaaaan that peaks to a Sooooooooooooob!
So loud and so very whiney. It is like fingernails on a chalboard. Plus it goes with his signature move. He throws his head back on the WAIL and melts to the floor in a moansob head, all whilst keeping the volume up so we know that he is suffering so very much.
That kid is meant for the stage.

He also has no understanding of his own strength and he is constantly tacking Ozzy and we have to peel him off of his brother before he smothers him.

There there is his sleeping habits. Holy crap. He has these stretches where he will wake me up at 5am by standing over me until I wake up, totally freaked out. Then he always says, "mommy, is it morning now?" Of course this is a trap. If I say "no" I risk the wailmoansob coupled with the stomp and flounce off he learned from his sister that will of course wake up the baby and Sam. But, if I say "yes" I am screwed because he squeals with glee and again, wakes up the baby and Sam. Either way it is no bueno.

Oz: This baby is angry. Teeth are coming in. He knows how to climb on top of the table and stand and thinks it is total crap that I won't allow him to do that all the time. He chews on everything and is honestly destroying our property!
Plus his sleeping habits are killing me. (Warning: Too much info. Skip if you are offended by toddlers who nurse.) The kid has decided he is a chewer and he must nurse every hour at night. But only if he gets to chew chew chew. I'm not loving it. Some nights I am just too tired and I try to pass off the binky instead and that if such an insult that he throws himself backwards (usually headbutting Sam who is fast asleep... okay, I won't lie, some nights I am a bit amused by that trick. Don't you judge me.) and screams bloody murder until I give up. I know he isn't manipulating me because he is a fricking ONE YEAR OLD and kids learn to manipulate from adults as they get older and other than that they are expressing a need of some sort (need to eat, need closeness, need reassurace, etc). It is still rough sometimes. He also throws his binky in a rage some nights and that is always lamesauce. I try to tie it to me or to him or put a key chain of sorts on it so I can find it in those circumstances. Either way, sleepy time has been a crazy time.
I realize he is trying to learn to talk and that has a lot to do with his frustrations but it is still hard for me.
(Don't bother to tell me to kick him to his own room and have him cry it out. That isn't our parenting style and is creates a lot of other problems I don't want.)

Now, this is all a bummer. But I know it will pass. Isabelle with return to happy someday. Xander will stop being for and become 5. Ozzy will learn to talk and stop being mad and I'll slowly but surely night wean him.

But, this is the freaky part.
While the other kids are trying to drive me to Crazytown, Buddy is the one who is throwing me for a loop. Behold:

Buddy: Is considerate of others. He has been saying please and thank you a lot.
When I tell him no to something he wants... he accepts it. He will sometimes say he isn't happy about it, but he accepts it without much argument.
He goes to bed when I ask him to and stays there.
He holds the door for me and for his sister.
He keeps telling Sam and I that he loves us and we are the best parents ever.
He helps clean up.
He is quiet during church (for the most part. He still has the occasional random comment, but mostly he is very pleasant).
He is doing his schoolwork almost cheerfully.
He sits and reads books when he is bored instead of torturing me.

He isn't perfect and he does have his nasty moments, but overall he is very enjoyable to be with.
It is terrifying me.

So, yeah. My "easy" kids are being high maintenance and my "high maintenance" kid is currently a breeze to parent. I'm so confused.

I'm also hoping there will be a magical moment when they are all easy at the exact same time. But that may cause the universe to implode.
Tell me I'm not the only parent who has kids who do these wacky personality change things.


  1. Bahahaha! Oh man, I'm so sorry Kimber. Sounds like normal kid stuff to me. Hopefully it passes soon!

  2. Holy mackerel I miss you guys! I dedicate the song "I Was Meant for the Stage" (from the Decemberists) to Xander.

    Bro. Worner