Thursday, November 21, 2013

Potty Training: Pretty Sure We Aren't Doing It Right

So, big things going on here in Towerland. Apparently after I ran that half marathon I decided to never type again. Sorry. My bad.

I'll try to catch you back up over the next few days.

For now, I give you this gift of a story about what is going on around here.

We (okay, I) have decided to toilet train out cat, Millie.

I should back up here.

Yes, we have a cat. Sam was in a parking lot a month or so back and found a long haired tortoise shell calico kitten someone was giving away. I have wanted a long haired tortoise shell calico cat for nearly a decade, but, oddly enough, they are not very commonplace. Obviously, he scooped her up and brought her home.

But, wait! Xander is allergic to cats!

We were in a bit of a pickle when we remembered that. We had a few choices.

1. Give the cat back.
2. Sell Xander on the black market.
3. Try to do some sort of scientific experiment to find out if Xander and the cat could co-exist.

Being science-y types (if by science you mean insane hillbillies), we opted for the third choice.

Of course, then we had to come up with a way to perform humane experiments on both kid and cat. We had a lot of complicated ideas, but we are inherently lazy, so we decided to just rub her all over him and see what happened.

So, we rubbed the cat on Xander.

Then we waited.

No hives.
No itching.

Huh.

Xander is not allergic to this cat.

(I actually did research this more using my colleague, Dr. Google, and I found out that people can be more or less allergic to certain breeds of cats. We had suspected that the kittens Xander reacted to were actually half not-so-much-domestic kitty based on their appearance and way beyond normal kitty insanity. Either way, this cat doesn't bother him and we are all quite pleased, especially Xander.)

So, the cat got to say. We named her Millie as it is a mix of Lucy (the cat I had before I married Sam) and Minnie (the cat I got him after we got married). She is great. Snuggly, nice to all the kids, smart and so pretty.

However, I hate litter boxes. I make the kids do the litterbox, but still, I hate it.

One day I was on Amazon looking for litterbox robots. (It's a thing, look it up.) I stumbled upon this:

The wheels in my little head started turning.

I told Sam I was considering toilet training the cat. His response was, "no."

That did it. I was in.

So, I ordered CitiKitty. It was all very exciting for everyone.

Sam was so amused by my determination, he actually set it up for me. We chose a toilet (we have three lovely poopers to choose from around here) and we deemed it Millie's porcelain throne and told the kids all number ones and number twos must be diverted to either the hobbit bathroom (what, you don't have a hobbit bathroom?) or mom and dad's bathroom for the next month or so. Everyone was pretty excited about the idea of no more litter box, so it was agreed and we began training.

We're about 3 days into it.

Going good. I think.

So far, Millie is using CitiKitty with no complaints. We have to clean it out more often or she has aiming issues, but that is what Clorox Wipes are for.

I was prepared for her to have accidents, but she is awesome at it.

However, we are having some hiccups with the kids. I had to have a heart to heart tonight with Xander about not using CitiKitty as HIS litterbox. He feels like we're all friends and can share, but, not so much.

We are also letting Oz wander around in underwear while we do this. That is one of the dumber things we've done lately. I may give him the litterbox and then train him with the CitiKitty. I've never actually had to bother potty training a kid, but Oz is making things interesting. It's like high stakes Bingo around here, if finding random poopy pants or pee pants equals a Bingo. So glad I have a carpet cleaner.

So, if you want to keep score, we have one cat using the toilet trainer litterbox, one kid using the toilet trainer litterbox and another kid who thinks bathrooms are for squares.

There is a chance the cat is smarter than my kids.

Of course, she did just scramble out of our bathroom. You know, the one without the CitiKitty. She was trying to use it like a toilet and fell in. A few days in and the cat already understands what the toilet is for. Took the kids years. I think I may love her more than them right now.

So, to sum up, toilet training a cat...

Best. Idea. Ever.

Teaching kids how to use same toilets...

Complete waste of time.

If you come to our house, bring your own soap and hand sanitizer, we're running out. Fast.

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