Wow, this has been a hard year so far. 2015 is apparently all about doing the hard things, accepting what we cannot change and doing our best with what we can.
I want to be overwhelmed and hide under the bed. However, then I would have to clean under the bed and I am more lazy than overwhelmed, so, I just have to deal.
In this time of sadness and stress and utter confusion, I'm seeing some glimmers of light and I wanted to write them down so I would remember them the next time I start eyeing that corner that may still fit me under the bed.
1. We're starting to finally find the right schooling balance for our family. This has been hard. I have adjusted and readjusted and thrown tantrums, then started over again. Where we finally are: Isabelle is aching to do brick and mortar school this fall. Barring a miraculous change in heart for her (which is possible), I'll be registering her part time for the fall. We were planning to go earlier, but, something happened that made it clear we need to wait until fall. In the meantime, I have taken her to only part time with IDVA and the other half of school is me flat out homeschooling without a net. Holy crap. We have an amazing tutor, a pile of books and I think we're doing good. Buddy loves public brick and mortar school. He runs with some sweet kids, he has straight A's, and he has "outstanding" citizenship comment coming from his teacher. I have offered him the option of coming home next year and he is considering it, but I expect him to stay where he is quite happily. Xander wants to homeschool. I can handle that. Osbourne will be starting preschool and I think he will love it. Henry will possibly learn not to poop in his pants. Not holding my breath there (okay, I am, but not optimistically, just because he is stinky).
2. We have some neat opportunities with work and jobs for both of us. We're pursuing them. Sam is doing more clinical work at Evolution Chiropractic and he is consulting with patients and loving it. I'm going to be spending a lot more time at the zip line this summer and I have found the perfect nanny to help the kids. We're hoping Sam's deputy schedule is pleasant to work with, but we are just going to have to roll with things a bit. I'm taking the summer off for piano and I think I need it. I haven't taken a summer off since I started up teaching. I need the breather.
3. I've been working hard to get to know my in-laws better. I'm not going to say it has been easy, because everyone has been very nice, but it is still an extreme effort in not being a chicken for me to keep trying on a daily basis. I'll get braver and it will be good. I have felt much encouragement from those who aren't with us anymore, so I can't quit now.
4. I've been working on connecting some dots with health stuff that isn't a big deal, but has been bothering me. Thanks to some very wonderful health professionals, I know where I'm at and it isn't going to be a big deal. Here at home, we have made a few adjustments to help make sure everyone in this house is healthy for many years to come and I am thrilled about the new, beautiful treadmill we got over the weekend. We were planning to do some improvements at the house, but, as our old treadmill started to die, this became the priority, and this machine has some features that will be very beneficial to me over the years. I'm still learning about health stuff so I don't want to blah blah, but, you are welcome to research Ehler-Danlos Syndrome (classic) if you want to learn more. It isn't a major problem in my life, I am really on the minor side and I fully intend to keep up my active lifestyle so I stay that way. Just like my Raynaud's, this just gives me an excuse to not do stuff I don't wanna do, like tap dance, use a jack hammer, or wear high heels. Awesome!
So, with all the adjusting, I have prayed for patience and peace and the ability to see the growth. This afternoon I took the kids into my chiropractor so I could get crackled and to fix Isabelle's wrist (she dislocated it again, the turkey). Then we went to pick up a grocery order at Sam's Club and I spent some time chatting with Buddy and having him help me push the carts to Angelina Jolie the Minivan. Then, we got Taco Bell and, even though Happier Hour had just ended, the awesome guy there gave me the cheap prices! As we drove home and I listened to happy kids munch and talk and sing and I talked to them and just had fun, I realized, I'm starting to ENJOY my kids again. I am having fun with them and I want to have more fun with them. Yes, things were hard for a bit. But, we're finally getting there. Reminds of Into the Woods (best musical ever) when they say that the light is getting dimmer and someone chimes in, "I think I see a glimmer".
That's where I'm at. It is still a little dark, things are still sad and hard right now, but I am seeing that we are traveling past it together.